Sunday, February 6, 2011

Trying to Find the Balance

There have been times in my life when I did too much. When I packed my plate so full of doings that if one meeting or errand ran late, my whole day was off track, with little or no hope of recovering. My kids were little, and I was running the household, but also volunteering at their school in the classrooms, PTA meetings, and on the board of several non profit organizations. I was really in my doing. It took me some time to realize how out of balance I was. Most of the activities I was doing were worthwhile, but not all of them all at once. Clearing my schedule was a process. It took me time to release some projects and responsibilities, but release them I did. I began learning about me. Taking workshops, classes and seminars in areas that spoke to me. All of this has been rewarding and has enriched my life and allowed for more spiritual and emotional growth and development. I began moving forward from the inside out. At times I wonder if I have pared down too much, if I am erring on the side of too little to do, which sounds strange, but it feels important for me to have some extra space, some wiggle room. On weeks like this one coming up I am booked by my new standards. And yet, there is down time. There is time to be with friends and with family. I have set aside time to connect with friends who live away, and some friends who are here in town. I will be present and available for my family, get my "chores" done, and still have time for me.

That all sounds great, wonderful, so together of me. Oh I am so impressed! Well then why is it that with all this extra available time I am barely able to get anything done? I find myself keeping the house tidy, and doing the general "to do's", but I am having a hard time getting the extras done. Those niggling tasks like cleaning out my closet (I can do that next week), going through those papers accumulating on my desk (next week, I'll get through those next week). What about the freezer? I have so been meaning to clean that out, as well as the junk drawer in the kitchen, the 'gift and wrapping closet', the pantry could stand a more thorough top to bottom cleaning (next week, next week....oh shoot it's getting busy next week, what about the week after?). And so it goes. Somehow when I was crazy busy I could get a zillion things done, and even get a few more things done in my nonexistent spare time. So why is it that I have more free time and I get so much less done? I don't want to go back to the way things were. I wouldn't trade the improvement in the quality of my life. There is no doubt that I have been able to spend much more time with connections. Connections with family members, friends, connecting to my own path and purpose, connecting to The Divine. All these benefits are immeasurable. They are what makes my life rich. I like who I am so much more today than who I was when I was on the go, go, go. I have been able to be a more patient and present wife, mother, daughter, sister, seeker and friend. I can't put a price on that. But that doesn't mean I let the extra jobs keep piling up.

So I am looking to find this balance. I don't want to be back on the human hamster wheel. I do want to tap more into the doing energy, without going overboard. I do want to keep the quality of life I have found, the benefits that come from being fully present in the moment, of just Being with myself, my family, my friends. This is one of the areas I am looking to find balance in my life. Perhaps when I get through these current transitions, I'll have more time, attention and energy for these extras. Hmmm, that sounds a whole lot like, "I'll get to that next week."

I will keep working on this end. Perhaps you have some ideas or suggestions for me? For now I will keep on moving in this general direction.

Sending you blessings and love for today and everyday.

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