Let's Get Together

Last night we went to a dinner party. It has been years since we have been to or hosted a dinner party. It was a wonderful group of dear old friends. Let me clarify. Three couples there have been friends for decades. We are newer friends. That is, our husbands are all good friends, and have been for some time but this was my first time to get together with everyone. Let me tell you, I was welcomed in like I had been there all along. It was so sweet to get to spend the evening in the company of a group that fits like an old glove, and to have them include you so seamlessly that you forget you are the newbie. That is love and grace in action. So thank you to these dear new friends that already feel "old" to me.

As we were all around the table enjoying the good food, glowing candlelight, and basking in the warmth of dear friends, I found myself reflecting upon just how blessed I am. There I was at a table with these wonderful, loving, kind and authentic people. I couldn't help but think of how many amazing people we have in our lives, and just how seldom we all get our act together enough to come together. There is that word again, together. It keeps coming up!

So I want to take this moment to thank you all, dear family and friends old and new, near and far. For all the times we have shared in laughter, in counsel, in joy and in tears. This is what it is all about. To love and be loved. To share life together. Our lives are a rich tapestry of these events woven together. So let's break bread together. Let's make it a regular thing. These special moments are just all together too few, and I for one am going to attempt to up the average! Come on over, or give me a call and let's get...together, yeah yeah yeah!

Ode to KTMAC

KTMAC. It is pronounced "K" - "T", "MAC". This is our book club: Kim, Terry, Marianne, Ami and Cheryl. KTMAC. These women touch my heart. If you love books, I suggest you join a book club. If there isn't one you can find, make one up. KTMAC has been meeting for over 10 years. I know, shocking! We are shocked too. We have read over 100 books, we have lists and ratings to prove it! We have enjoyed wonderful meals, at one another's homes and out. We have done breakfast, lunch, dinner, movies, holiday celebrations, even weddings and showers. We are a varied group, with strong opinions, values and beliefs. I knew it would be great to be in a book club when we started, but I didn't know how great.

I didn't know these would become some of my dearest friends. We meet monthly, and over the years we have formed a bond that has come from sharing our deepest thoughts, desires and beliefs, sometimes triggered by what we've read, but often not. We don't always agree with one another, but we do always love and respect one another, and we are always kind.

These women have given me so much. I can hardly explain it all here. Each one has been a role model for me. Teaching me certainly about true and abiding friendship, but also about long, loving marriages (collectively we've been married over 150 years to our same husbands - WOW), caring for family members and friends in need, raising up puppies and chillins, hostessing with heart, welcoming in daughter's and son's in law and being graceful Mother's in law, the joys of grand-parenting, the pitfalls of financial hardships, wo-men-o-pause, the importance of doing for others, even those we don't know who live a world away, and being good stewards of the earth, to name a few. These women walk the talk. They are the real deal. They are loving, loyal, enduring, kind and pure of heart. Together we have celebrated the joys life brings, supported one another through the challenges and have mourned the losses. We have been touched by peace, grace, inspiration, and joy in one another's company countless times. We have laughed so hard we cried, and touched one another to tears. Over these years, we have grown to be dear friends. I always wanted to be a part of the wisdom, support and kinship of women like this, it is better than any book I've read. I am blessed. These are the Ladies of The Book Club KTMAC, they touch my heart. We meet once a month, and we always have fun. I love you Ladies, and I love KTMAC.

P.S. If you are thinking you want this in your life too (let's face it, who wouldn't?) it doesn't have to be a book club. It can be a loving friend fest, or pizza lovers club. Whatever. Just get a group together, show up and listen with love. Do it again and again. Let the magic happen. Oh and laugh, you have to laugh, mostly at yourselves, oh and at words like polyamory. What? Why? Did I have to go there? I just did.

Love yourself, love one another

One of the most important aspects of my spiritual journey is the other people in my life. They are the family and friends I surround myself with on a daily, weekly, monthly basis, those are the dear ones which enrich my life tremendously, and together we enhance the journey for one another. I cherish the times I get to spend with these special people. Equally important are the ones that I have difficulty with. Those friends and family which remind me of the areas I am still working on, the friends and family I find myself challenged by interacting with. I have found for myself, many of those relationships in the past were unbalanced, and my lack of personal boundaries allowed for people in my life who were not for my highest and best, and when I began to set clear, healthy boundaries, many relationships began to shift. I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong for so many years with many of my friendships falling apart, and ending in disaster. I felt responsible and it hurt, badly. I couldn't see what I was doing wrong. I began to ask about it in prayer, and in person with others. It took some time, and a number of helpful assistants, seen and unseen to reveal that the problem was all about me, but not in the way I was thinking. Instead of being nicer, I needed to have stronger boundaries. Instead of doing more for others, I needed to be sure my friendships were in balance, and that we were both getting needs met by the time we spend together, not just one of us. In short, I knew I could do better at the friendship thing, I just didn't know how, and defining my boundaries has allowed me to do just that. For me this is friendship 101, love yourself, set healthy boundaries, to take care of yourself, thereby loving one another. Don't expect yourself to do more for someone else than you would ask for in return. If someone needs you, and the relationship is in balance, of course you are of assistance. Of course you help a friend or family member out. If someone is in need all the time, that is a different story, they may have strong needs, but it is not something our friendship can meet the needs for. In order to love them, I have to release them to their own evolution. To assist them may just be propping them up, and prolonging the agony and the inevitable journey they are due to go on for their own personal growth. We can actually hurt others, when we are "helping others"... can you say co-dependence anyone? So, defining my own boundaries has allowed me to be a more balanced person, a better partner to my husband, a better mother to my grown kids, a better daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, friend, facilitator, whatever. All my roles and relationships were affected by the lack of boundaries on my part. Now I am able to enjoy a richness of relationship which is unparalleled in my life previously. Each relationship gets richer and deeper as time goes on. I have freed myself of time wasting relationships with people and groups, no matter how well meaning I was or they were, if they are out of balance, they are out of my immediate sphere. Oddly, they are not missed, and the rewards are great. We all have difficulities in our lives. We are here to learn and grow. I have found the more work I do, the bigger the rewards. So, love yourself, love one another, love freely and love often.

What have been your biggest lessons in relationships? Who are you currently trying to work on a relationship with, and coming up empty? I would love to hear what you have to say about this or any other topic of interest in your life, or on your path. This is how "we" do this, together. Right now, I feel like a voice in the void. Bouncing around out there. I know some of you will find me, and together we will all be better for the insights and growth we share!

Namaste,
Kim